The Tradition of Traditions

Have you ever wondered why you follow the same ritual and behaviours during the same celebrations or events?  How did they start? Where did they come from? Is there a bigger meaning behind them? Or, did it just start as a bit of fun and you’ve kept doing it?

In Australia we’ve just had our Christmas break where all Australian’s have a couple of public holidays and days off from work – Christmas Day and Boxing Day.  Even though these days started out in Australia as religious and historical celebrations, having been originally settled by the British the settlers bought their traditions with them, all Australians now have these days off regardless of their religion.  Interestingly, because Australia is now so diverse, we have also taken on a number of the celebrations of other cultural traditions such as Chinese New Year, the Hindu tradition of the Holi Festival (Festival of Colours), Greek Orthodox Easter, St Patrick’s Day, Ramadan, Diwali, ANZAC Day, Remembrance day and a host of others.  Each one of these days involves tradition, thought, observance and meaning.

When you move away from the initiation of these traditions, either by distance or time, things invariably change. For example:

In Australia our Christmas lunch and dinner now traditionally has a large portion of prawns, crayfish, lobster and other forms of cold shellfish and seafood.

Some of the reasons – we are surrounded by the best seafood in the world; it is invariably 30⁰ – 37⁰ C (that’s 85⁰ – 100⁰ F) on Christmas Day; with so many different nationalities of Christians each has bought their own traditional dishes with them (eg. Polish, Croatian, Filipino, Samoan, just to name a few); and we spend a lot of time outside in our summer.

But traditions are not always the large things that are part of a whole culture or large group.  I was discussing with friends our family traditions for Christmas day and one was that Dad always had to cook ham and eggs for breakfast and then we could open presents.  Very simple but it always started our day as a family.

One of the other traditions my family had was camping.  Our camping season always began on a long weekend in October (a weekend with a public holiday attached so we had 3 days off) and finished with Easter the following year. Our group of families spent time camping by the beach fishing, swimming, playing beach cricket and cooking that just caught freshest of fresh fish on an open fire.

Another of the very Aust-idiosyncratic traditions is that if you can’t make it to Sydney for New Years Eve you watch the event on TV.  It’s in the same vane as the Ball dropping in Times Square or Big Ben striking 12.  Most of us have the goal of watching the event live at least once, and even better would be being on the bay watching.  I have to say being out on the water in Sydney Harbour at midnight is amazing.  The atmosphere of excitement counting in a new year, celebrating with friends, the music, the fireworks and being part of thousands of people all just enjoying the moment is an incredible feeling.  So much more than just being at a party.

Traditions can be huge, like New Years Eve, or as simple as the way you say hello with a kiss on each cheek.

Schools have traditions at graduations. Workplaces have traditions and rituals for new employees and for retirees.  Weddings are full of traditions.  Did you know that the tradition of placing the groom on the right started because the groom needed to keep his sword arm free to protect his bride? And that one started back in the 1300’s.

Do you have traditions in your family?  How did they start?

You may find that many of the things you do and take for granted, the prayers you say, the way you play certain games, even the songs that you habitually sing at Christmas time started with someone in your family and you’ve just kept doing the same thing.  Possibly because it feels good, it has a certain meaning for you, or simply because it’s what you’ve always done.

Traditions can be wonderful for the right reasons however, if they are destructive you don’t have to follow the other sheep.

What traditions do you follow? What traditions would you like to change?

 

How to Make Sure your Children are Active and Healthy

We keep hearing all about how bad sugar is and how we need to feed children natural and nutritious food, but that’s not all they need to be healthy. By encouraging your child to do some physical activity every day, you’re helping your child to be healthy now and setting up healthy habits for life. Daily physical activity can also be a lot of fun and it doesn’t need to happen in a gym!

Australian guidelines recommend that children aged:

• 0-1 years should have some physical activity, such as floor play, each day
• 1-5 years should be physically active for at least three hours each day, with activity spread across the day
• 5-18 years should do at least one hour of moderate to vigorous physical activity each day.

‘Moderate physical activity’ includes activities that get your child gently puffing. They’re about as energetic as a quick walk with the dog or playing in the pool.

‘Vigorous physical activity’ includes activities that get your child huffing and puffing a lot as well as breaking into a sweat. This could be running games or riding a bike fast or doing laps of that pool.

Physical activity doesn’t have to be done all at once, or even in big blocks. It can be enjoyed in small blocks of time throughout the day.

Benefits of physical activity for children support their current development as well as supporting their health into the future. They include:

• strong bones and muscles
• improved coordination, balance, posture and flexibility
• reduced risk of becoming overweight or obese
• reduced risk of heart disease, cancer and type-2 diabetes later in life

Physical activity is also great for helping your child to be happy and well in other areas of life such as:

• being confident and have enhanced self-esteem
• being happy and relaxed
• sleeping well
• concentrating better at school
• getting along with others and make friends easily
• share, take turns and cooperate
• feeling like they belong

Physical activity isn’t necessarily ‘exercise’.

Your child doesn’t have to play an organised sport, do Tai Kwando or go to the gym to benefit. Opportunities for free outdoor play are just as important and valuable. Simple physical activities can include:

• walking or riding to school or child care
• spending time in places like playgrounds, playing in parklands or at the beach
• playing at the homes of friends or other family
• playing ‘chasey’, ‘what’s the time Mr Wolf’, skipping, basketball, touch rugby or netball in the backyard or park.

 

Do your children get out and active enough?

If you enjoyed this post, please share it! Who knows, maybe you’ll make someone else’s day a little happier!

5 Ways to Raise Boys Who Respect Women

With all of the media attention on Family Violence and the limited powers of the police to support AVO’s it’s about time that we go back to square one and start to influence the behaviour of our children. This means starting to teach and influence the behaviour of our children at a young age.

By teaching our sons, grandsons, nephews and godsons, as well as influencing the friends of the boys close to us, we can begin to make a difference to the outcomes we are currently experiencing in our society.  We need to support their learning in self-esteem and empathy to create strong and respectful adults.

5 ways to raise boys to be one of those men

1.       Walk the Talk

Children learn the most from the people in their life in the early years.  That means family, extended family and friends of the family.  Your influence as a role model has an amazing impact. Boys need to see positive male figures in their lives – their dad, grandpas, teachers, coaches – modelling what respect for women looks like.  And they need to see female figures who expect to be treated fairly and kindly.

That way respecting women just seems like the normal way for men to behave, even if it’s not totally the norm in our society just yet.

We also need to be conscious of the way we are treating and talking about other women. If we, adults constantly tearing other women down instead of building them up our children will follow our lead.

2.       “Girl” is Not an Insult

The way children (and adults) talk these days, “girl” is still the most derogatory insult that can be hurled at a boy – “You throw like a girl”.We have the power to change this simply by ensuring our boys don’t grow up thinking that anything traditionally feminine is negative or somehow “less than.”

Parents tend to reach for books and movies that showcase the sex of their child, which means most boys rarely read a book or see a movie with a female lead.  Boys need to have strong female role models just as much as little girls do.

3.       Observe But Don’t Preach

Getting heated about gender stereotypes can have the one of two effects on children – they either parrot your words and behaviour in similar circumstances without a reasonable understanding, or they can roll their eyes and ultimately tune you out thinking, “here we go again.”

So when you see an ad on tv that objectifies women or hear a line in a song that demeans them, point it out without getting heated or frustrated and explain why simply, relative to your child’s age.   You will get your message across reasonably and rationally without coming off like you’re preaching from your soap box.

4.       Talk About Sex With Children

If parents say nothing to their children about sex, children are going to learn about it, plus some very scary and bizarre misinformation, solely from the media, pornography, and other kids before they get to formal school sex ed.  None of those sources that are exactly 100% above board or preaching respect for women.

So the awkward conversations must be had, because an awkward conversation is better than no conversation at all. And that conversation will most certainly include a discussion of the definition and importance of consent.

5.       Respect Starts with Self

Perhaps the most important thing we can do to teach our boys to respect girls and women is to first teach them to respect themselves.  Boys need to have their confidence and self-esteem built up just as much as girls do.

And when we teach boys to be kind to both themselves and others that leads to the ultimate lesson: Respect isn’t just a male-female thing. Respect is a human thing.

It may take a couple of years to see the effect you’ve made but it will definitely be worth it and girls and women everywhere will thank you.

 

5 Ways to Feel More Connected

Social media is killing our ability to be social.  Here are 5 simple ways that you can stay connected with those around you as well as supporting and teaching our children that they need to make the effort now, not once they feel alone.

1.  Pay attention to the little things.

Pay attention to the little things around you.  Be mindful and aware of where you are, how you’re feeling and who else is around you.  We can be in the most comfortable and best of places that allow us to feel calm, energised, reinvigorated and thoughtful or simply just ‘be’ – but we need to stop and allow ourselves to feel. Great moments do happen, although we tend to take them for granted or are simply too preoccupied to notice.

2.  Make a conscious effort to engage routinely with family and friends.
Great connection takes being there in the moment. Attending to, being with, and really listening to the people we love.

3.  Make mental notes to spend more time with the people and places that make you feel great.
Life’s bad moments tend to be more attention grabbing, so make an effort to spend more time with the people, things and in the places that give your mind and body peace and pleasure.  Also give out to others what you want to receive – the attention, the praise and the friendship.

4.  Stop trying to change others to suit your ideas.
You can only ever be responsible for your own behaviour and nobody can change it except you.  The same goes for others.  Instead, leave others to change their own behaviours and find the place and be with the people where you shine and feel good.

5.  Pay it forward. 
Feeling connected is a habit and one that we can teach others, particularly our children.  One way to nurture that habit is by starting paying it forward.  Start while your children are young.  Teach them to appreciate and connect.

 

Once you’ve started to really be connected again social media will just be an added bonus.

Language ……. it’s amazeballs!

Language …..

I love language. I can spend half an hour just checking the spelling of one word in a dictionary! I get fascinated about the other words I find on the way, on the same page, the words to describe it. Then there’s the thesaurus…….

You’re probably sitting there saying, ” What a nutter! Why doesn’t she use spell check? So much easier.”

Well there are a couple of reasons…..

Have you ever noticed that spell check or the thesaurus in the computer only has the average, mundane and most used words? I don’t like to use big words where smaller ones will say exactly what I want but sometimes the bigger, more unusual word says it better.

Stretching your vocabulary by reading is such a gift. Not only does it give you a better understanding of your own language, you can choose a plethora of genre in your reading material (now I’m just bragging using unusual little words!!). What I mean is, you have an amazing choice of subjects you can read about to learn more about what interests you, and when you want to read just for pleasure and relaxation you can choose books from biographies, science fiction, romance, murder, futuristic fantasy, the list goes on…..

My biggest reason for loving language is that it can change the world for you and the way you view yourself in it.

Have you noticed that there seems to be a serious depletion of the language of manners lately?A please, thank you or excuse me is so simple to say but it shows respect and acknowledgement. I have to say, some of my mother’s habits rubbed off when I was little and have stayed with me to this day. When I was teaching or caring for children (of any age) it was automatic to remind them about pleases and thank you’s in the hope that it would be embedded for future use!

It did became slightly embarrassing though when I would be standing waiting my turn to purchase something and I would instinctively remind the person in front of me to say please!!

And then there is that little voice in your head using the most emotive language you know to make you do, say or think whatever would be the easiest and/or the safest. Henry Ford said it best….. “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right.”

Whatever that little voice in your head is telling you, if you listen to it for long enough you will believe it.

I know that it’s easier said than done and takes an amazing amount of courage to do something you fear or fear failing at, but if you don’t try…… you’ll never know. And that would be really disappointing, wouldn’t it?

The other thing that language is wonderful for is changing your perception about how you view things. What if instead of seeing problems you saw challenges? What if instead of getting or giving constructive criticism you had constructive feedback?

What if instead of being angry you were a bit miffed?

What if when someone asks you how you are at the start of the conversations you say phantasmagorical? Or maybe simply fantastic?

Maybe it’s time to actually listen to the words you use to live your life by and see if they need a bit of a tweak. I know that ‘criticism’ hasn’t been part of my language for years. And a friend never has ‘problems’, he only ever has challenges.

What words would you change?

(PS – my favourite word is ‘lugubrious’. Don’t you just love the way it sounds?!? My youngest brothers favourite word is ‘salubrious’, my fathers ‘perspicacious’ and my Mother’s is ‘serpiginous’. You guessed it…… it runs in the family)

Authors are our Knights and Heroes

“Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.”   C.S. Lewis

Clive Staples Lewis, was better known to the majority (we the commoners) as C. S. Lewis the author. Better known to his friends and family as “Jack”, he was a novelist, poet, academic, medievalist, literary critic, essayist, lay theologian, and Christian apologist born in Belfast, Ireland.

Unless you have studied literature, which I haven’t, you probably remember him from the movies that have been made of his book – “The Chronicles of Narnia”. My first experience of CS Lewis was of his children’s story “The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe” which one of my brothers got as a birthday or Christmas present. What I didn’t know at the time was that the story we read as children about other children and an amazingly magical wardrobe was in fact the 2nd of a series of seven children’s stories that made up his “Chronicles” (I wondered why parts of that movie seemed so familiar when I saw it).

I can’t say that CS Lewis was the one author that inspired my love of reading, but he is definitely one of the authors that is on my very long list.

However, my real inspiration and love of reading came from my parents – both of them. Growing up in upper working class Australia they both used reading to explore their world and take flights of fancy while they got on with the hard-slog of making a living and bringing up their family (wonderful children, of course!). I read still, every day, and have long lamented my sorrow for those that haven’t experienced or found the love of reading and exploring through books as I do.

As many parents do, they wanted and worked for a better level of education and life for us, their children. Education was a really important part in our life. Not to the extent that we were bent over our desks doing homework by torch light, but the exploration so that we had more options. Not necessarily better options, but more.We often hear the old cliché that we should learn from our history. I truly believe that we can also learn so much from the authors, of both fact and fiction. They were and are, the observers of life and times and had the imagination to spur others on to bigger and greater things.

As much as I will never pick up another Charles Dickens classic (you can blame my over enthusiastic Year 12 English teacher for that) you only have to look at his tales to see history. He is said to have created his famous thief “Faigan” from observation of a true Englishman who went through the Old Bailey and ended up as a convict in Australia. Bryce Courtenay is said to have used this same model for his main protagonist ‘Ikey Solomon’ in his Australian trilogy of ‘The Potato Factory’ and ‘Solomon’s Song’ which depicted the life and times of colonial Australia and, although fiction, described the history and times of Australia’s puberty. (Fascinating reading if you’re curious)

C.S. Lewis was also a close friend and colleague of fellow novelist J.R.R. Tolkien. Both authors served on the English faculty at Oxford University. Can you imagine the conversations that would have come out of that smoke hazed staff room? They would have been incredible!!

Even if you haven’t read any of his work, I defy anyone to say that they haven’t heard of the ‘Lord of the Rings’. And to my bliss, when I was at school I had a Grade 6 teacher who loved reading just as much as I did and do. Over a period of months he read us ‘The Hobbit’ and took as much joy in expanding our world as he did in going back to allow us to join with him and enjoy one of his favourites.

I started this message with the intent of talking about how children still need to know that there are heroes and knights in this world, and that they can also be their own hero. As you can see, my enthusiasm and love of reading dragged me down a different path, although I never go kicking and screaming where reading is concerned.

As one of our favourite Australia Icon’s says… Do yourself a favour! Spend some time getting reacquainted with books and language. It’s so important to us all. The news and Newspapers are all about doom and gloom as well as, more often than not, atrocious language and very bad for the literacy of any country.

Find yourself a comfortable corner and enjoy one of the other things that separate us from the animals – language, stories and reading.

To get back to my original intent… children can learn so much from books. Encourage your sons and daughters, nephews and nieces. Books are a wonderful present. And it doesn’t matter how old your children are, read to them… they’ll love it!

“No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally – and often far more – worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond.”   C.S. Lewis

As I Sit and Watch….

Every so often I am able to spend some time watching the world trundle past and the outlook always fascinates me.

I’m currently sitting watching the people wander up and down in a busy suburban shopping centre (our Australian version of the obligatory American Mall).  I can’t even count the number of different types of nationalities of the people who are going past but what I can tell is that none of the people I’m observing seems to want to make contact with others that are ‘unknown’.

As I sit and ponder I think of the old adage “Smile and the world smiles with you. Cry, and you cry alone.”  I’ve been playing with the people going past… I’ve been smiling at quite a few of them and the reactions are priceless.

I’ve made a few uncomfortable because they’re not sure why I’m smiling at them.  I’ve made a few turn around like a puppy chasing its tail trying to work out who I’m smiling at behind them.  Then there are those that can’t hold the eye contact.  I think they’d like to but I don’t think they really know how and still feel safe.

My own reaction is interesting to me as well.  I’ve realised that, of the opposite gender (in my case, men), I have particular unconscious behaviours and ideas around the ages of the passers-by that I am comfortable smiling at.  Those who are in their teens and early adulthood and those who I judge to be about 20 odd years older than me are easy to smile at, with and about.  However I avoid those around my own age as that little voice that sits on my shoulder tells me that it’ll either get me into trouble or they’ll take it the wrong way and think dubiously lecherous thoughts.  (Definitely not my purpose for sitting watching the world go by!)

As I sit and ponder those passers-by reactions, I wonder if we have been so conditioned by society to minimise our communication to times that have purpose?

Is our “down” time so jammed with purpose that we can’t actually stop and just enjoy the moment?  I’m watching and can’t see very many people actually seeming to enjoy the company of people they have surrounded themselves with.  But I do see many people texting and talking on their phones while they’re with others.  I also see quite a few “on a mission”.  To where and what for is unclear but you need to get out of their way!!

I see what I think is complacency.  I also see what I believe are people who are “happy with their lot in life”.  And what makes me smile the most is when I see a family walk past and the father is holding the hand of his son or daughter, or both, and is taking the time to talk with them too.

If you take only one thought away from my pondering today I would love you to really stop and smell the roses, the coffee, the sunshine… whatever does it for you.  Stop and just enjoy the moment.

It doesn’t cost anything.  It might only take 5 minutes out of your busy day.  Rejoice in what you have, not what you or anybody else thinks you should have.  You will be surprised what a smile and a little gratitude can do to your attitude and your day.  I can guarantee you…

It’s definitely worth it.

Looking at the whole child not just the parts: Damaging self-esteem

Have you ever noticed how much information and how many opinions are out in cyberspace, the local supermarket and even in the local playgroup?

I was recently researching something to do with childhood diabetes and found so many sites that just looked at one specific aspect and forgot that anything to do with children really has to have an holistic outlook as NOTHING happens in isolation, particularly in the development in children.

With all of the focus on childhood obesity, those hopping up on their soapboxes about it haven’t taken the whole child into consideration.

The main focus of the message around childhood obesity is that the child’s health will suffer or be affected by obesity and the bad habits that may contribute to it. And all that is very true but… what they haven’t taken into consideration is that the visuals and tack they are taking is so focused on physical appearance that they have forgotten about the effect that negative focus has on the self-esteem and ideas of self-worth of the child in the cross-hairs.

And unfortunately, if the marketeers where trying to get to the parents they seriously disregarded the fall-out that affected the children by using this methodology.

Although not as confronting, I do believe that there are better ways to get the same type of information out there. Ways that support self-esteem rather than rip it apart for possibly being different and having all the negative things that the ads mention.

If the marketing focused on the benefits of exercising such as healthy bones, socialisation, making new friends, learning new games or activities, even looking at what you can experience by doing new things it would be a positive message.

Or if the marketing focused on healthy eating the children would be more interested in how things taste or what they need to be eating to create a healthy diet. It may also foster interest in cooking, travel, exploring other parts of the world… the list is almost limitless.

Yes, using a negative confrontational theme does get attention but at what cost?

Wouldn’t we all prefer to have well developed and emotionally sound children that are able to learn, make choices and optimise their potential?